Updated: 3 days ago
The Presbytery of Northeast New Jersey
One of the most powerful phrases I've learned is, “The story we're telling ourselves is…” I love this phrase because it reminds me that churches are steeped in narratives, and those narratives shape what we believe is possible.
A church might say, “The story we are telling ourselves is that young families don’t come to church anymore.” or “we can’t compete with Sunday morning youth sports.” or “everyone in our community is Catholic.” or “nobody wants to volunteer.” or “our best days are behind us.
”Sometimes those statements contain kernels of truth. There really are cultural changes affecting churches. People really are busy. Some communities really do have a strong Catholic identity. Volunteer patterns really have changed.
But here's the important question: are we describing reality, or are we creating a narrative about reality? Because those aren't always the same thing. Imagine that instead of saying, “Everyone in our community is Catholic,” what if the story we told ourselves was: “Our community has a deep spiritual heritage, and there are people here who are looking for a place where they can explore faith, build relationships, and serve their neighbors. How might we become that place?”That's a different story.
Did you notice what happens when we change the narrative? The first story leads to resignation while the second leads to imagination. The first says, “There's no room for us here.” The second asks, “What unique contribution can we make in a community with a strong religious identity?” Those are very different questions. We don't get to choose every circumstance.
But we can choose the story. If we tell ourselves that “everyone here is Catholic,” we may stop asking what our congregation has to offer its community. If we tell ourselves that “nobody wants to volunteer,” we'll keep asking the same exhausted people to do the same things. And if we tell ourselves that “we can't compete,” we've already decided that we are playing a game we cannot win.
But what if we changed the story and said, “We aren't competing with youth sports. We're creating community.” “We aren't competing with other churches. We're offering something unique to our community.” “We aren't looking for volunteers to fill empty slots. We're inviting people to discover a meaningful way to use their gifts.
”Now we're asking different questions, and different questions lead to different possibilities. Of course, we shouldn't use positive language to avoid reality. Sometimes churches really are declining and programs really aren't working. Telling a new story doesn't mean ignoring those things. It means refusing to believe that the current reality is the only possible future. The stories we tell ourselves matter because eventually, we start living them. So, what story is your church telling itself?
Steve Huston
Organizing Co-Leader/ Resource Presbyter
